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Can a girl make the first move and send the first message?

ForumFriendship and relationships

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  • YANTH140

    March 5

    what do you think about woman start talking to man first time?

  • XRAY948

    March 5

    My take is that it's not, and shouldn't be, a problem for anyone. So, why not?

    March 5 updated by XRAY948

  • JOHN246

    March 12

    Do it.

  • PABLOSEK848

    March 18

    Of course, it's not anything bad.

  • March 18

    Girls like to b chased 😊

    So I don't think woman will make first move but they should 👍

  • RAI543

    March 20

    yes. The friendly ones.

  • KAT735

    March 20

    i have a different take on this one though(just because we still have that old culture)

    if the woman's goal is to build a friendship - it is okay.

    But if you have a motive because he is cute and you want to build something - it's a no no. you might be being presumptuous and end up assuming...something(wink*if you know what i mean)

  • XRAY948

    March 21

    KAT735 wrote:

    But if you have a motive because he is cute and you want to build something - it's a no no.

    Why?

    KAT735 wrote:
    you might be being presumptuous and end up assuming...something

    But the same logic would apply to a man too, right? I'm not clear on what you're trying to get across. What's "wrong" with a woman reaching out? Don't all relationships start out as friendships anyway?

    KAT735 wrote:
    (wink*if you know what i mean)

    I don't know what you mean. Can you clarify?

  • March 23

    I do think this depends on the individual. There's no wrong or right.

    Yes, women like to be chased but in a situation where you're catching feelings for someone and he's not saying anything, it may be good to say it.

    So you'd know if you're on the same page or if you should move on rather than waiting and hoping he'll notice you someday cos he may never notice you.

  • XRAY948

    March 24

    > "women like to be chased"

    I guess that needs a disclaimer. I'll just post this commedy skit because I think the reality of the situation is what makes it both so funny and simultaneously so annoying.

  • IRA245

    March 25

    In my opinion, woman can start talking or make first move to man even for friendship or do you like him. But you must know when you must back off.

    Basically man is Hunters, they like to chase woman they like than chased by woman.

  • March 26

    YANTH140 wrote:

    what do you think about woman start talking to man first time?

    I mean I can say hello but u wouldnt do more than that maybe because I'm shy or old school,

    But I think I want to be chased its better that way,but saying hello wouldnt be bad

  • April 20

    I personally don't have a problem with showing a guy that you might be interested or are interested .The example of the woman who did this in the bible is Ruth. But then Boaz had already kind of noticed her and was doing all those nice things for her behind the scene.eg. making sure they left wheat for her to glean (sigh what a sweet guy Boaz lol).

    Anyway,i have approached alot of guys on & off this site with varying results. I'm not a shy person.From not getting replies to one word replies etc.

    My observation though is that guys seem more invested when they make the first move than when I have made the first move. If they mailed first they tend to reply more and be more engaged etc.Just my personal observation.

  • April 29

    Yeah, I dnt see anything wrong with it.. Besides anyone can be friendly

  • May 3

    They can but won't do it 😊 cause most women like men making the first move

  • May 4

    I think woman sending first message or making first move is normal. If she has interest on man, why not to show it?

  • EMZHERE190

    June 17

    Culture has a huge influence in someone's view that's why for others it's fine for a woman to take the move while for others it's a no no.

  • July 13

    Nowhere in the Bible, the girl makes the 1st advance. The man MUST search & find the girl [soulmate]. However, in some culture it is okay.

  • July 15

    In genesis 2:21 woman came to man. Not vice versa.

    ALEX481 wrote:

    Nowhere in the Bible, the girl makes the 1st advance. The man MUST search & find the girl [soulmate]. However, in some culture it is okay.

  • XRAY948

    July 16

    REIJO410 wrote:

    In genesis 2:21 woman came to man. Not vice versa.

    Genesis 2:22 says: "And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man." (my emphasis)

    So, the woman did not come to the man; she was brought to him.

    Having said that...

    ALEX481 wrote:Nowhere in the Bible, the girl makes the 1st advance.

    Nowhere does the Bible say that they shouldn't, so that goes nowhere. Even if there were no examples where women take the first step (there are; consider Ruth "winning over" Boaz), it would be meaningless without a moral commandment from God.

    ALEX481 wrote:

    The man MUST search & find the girl [soulmate]. However, in some culture it is okay.

    Not necessarily... since nothing in the Bible makes it "immoral" for a woman to make the "first move", a lot seems to rest on what's considered "socially acceptable" within a given cultural context. You mention that in your comment, but your emphasis in "MUST" seems to suggest that, maybe, you view it as a moral issue, and for that, I think we'd need a Biblical reference from you.

  • September 23

    The world has changed so much. in Genesis, the woman was brought to the man...Does this means either one of these three things?: (1) A woman should be introduced to her husband by her father?  (2) the man should not pursue a woman but wait for her to be introduced to him? because Adam didnt ask or went out seeking. In fact Adam did absolutely nothing-- insead, God saw he was lonely and so made him Eve---so he did not even had to chase after Eve. (3) Eve didnt chase Adam either...so neither of them was the chaser or the chased. (I hope Im mkaing sense)

    But traditional and cultural practices and norms have played a huge role in the way of life of this world...people interpret or view things differently and through their understaning and I respect everyone's views once its within good reason or can be supported by facts.

    The world has become more demanding and as such it "changed the rules of the game."  So, yes! and yes! and Yes! again, just as a man can pursue a woman for his goodly intentions so too a woman can pursue him for her goodly intentions. The bible didnt give a script or a manual on who should do the chasing and who ought to be chased.

    Faith without work is dead....I believe this scripture can be applied in any situation/category be it job wise, husband/wife seeking, or trying to build a nice house by the sea in the caribbean drinking fresh coco-nut water everyday etc and it definitely didnt come with a mandatory gender-base instuction--'for men only' or 'for owmen only'.that wold be something omg!:-DO:) Thats my humble thoughts.

    Now, where is my Adam ? :-D:-DI will conclude by saying: "Seek and ye shall find" and  "A confident woman who seeks with virtues is NOT labeled immoral." by G L.R Thorne

  • November 27

    The girl should only make the first move if she doesn't want to be single. If you wait for the guy, plenty of girls are making the first move on him and you're still waiting. Meanwhile he is only thinking about all those girls that are after him.

  • December 1

    A girl can – and should – make the first move and send the first message. How the guy responds depends on if he's interested or not. That will always be a personal choice, and has very little to do with that she made the first contact.

    Many girls have sent me winks and messages on Cmatch. I like that. Whether I reply with interest in the girl or reply by a polite letter wishing her success in her search depends on if I find something in her profile which gets me interested.

    Of course there are a lot of girls here who I don't feel romantically attracted to, so many of those who contact me fall into that group – they don't attract me. But it isn't because they contacted me. A girl doesn't become unattractive because she made the first contact. If you reverse it – does a guy always become interesting choice if he makes the first move? Aren't there a lot of guys who contact girls and ... well ... only some of those guys she finds attractive? It's normal. Has nothing to do with who makes the first move. Better to check and see if there is a possibility or not than to wonder later on: what would have happened if I had tried?

    I remember a girl who wrote me first and I became very interested in her. We had a lot of common interests, and we were thinking alike in many ways. We considered a serious relationship, we met several times. For a long time I wished this would work out. In the end she felt we were not a complete match.

    Not all guys are the pursuers. I've often been shy; if I find a girl interesting I often doubt she will be interested in me. Sometimes I make the first move, but often I hesitate – not always because lack of interest, sometimes I just doubt she whould be interested.

  • January 26

    You are making sense, girl.:up:

    ANNA266 wrote:

    The world has changed so much. in Genesis, the woman was brought to the man...Does this means either one of these three things?: (1) A woman should be introduced to her husband by her father?  (2) the man should not pursue a woman but wait for her to be introduced to him? because Adam didnt ask or went out seeking. In fact Adam did absolutely nothing-- insead, God saw he was lonely and so made him Eve---so he did not even had to chase after Eve. (3) Eve didnt chase Adam either...so neither of them was the chaser or the chased. (I hope Im mkaing sense)

    But traditional and cultural practices and norms have played a huge role in the way of life of this world...people interpret or view things differently and through their understaning and I respect everyone's views once its within good reason or can be supported by facts.

    The world has become more demanding and as such it "changed the rules of the game."  So, yes! and yes! and Yes! again, just as a man can pursue a woman for his goodly intentions so too a woman can pursue him for her goodly intentions. The bible didnt give a script or a manual on who should do the chasing and who ought to be chased.

    Faith without work is dead....I believe this scripture can be applied in any situation/category be it job wise, husband/wife seeking, or trying to build a nice house by the sea in the caribbean drinking fresh coco-nut water everyday etc and it definitely didnt come with a mandatory gender-base instuction--'for men only' or 'for owmen only'.that wold be something omg!:-DO:) Thats my humble thoughts.

    Now, where is my Adam ? :-D:-DI will conclude by saying: "Seek and ye shall find" and  "A confident woman who seeks with virtues is NOT labeled immoral." by G L.R Thorne

  • MARCO825

    January 29

    Good topic!  I always use our relationship with Jesus Christ... with God as it is parallel so it can be helpful for many others.  XRay is correct.  God BROUGHT the woman to Adam.  And it is always God. The next one is the LONG DISTANCE relationship chapter-- Genesis chapter 24 about isaac and Rebekah.  Of course, Isaac was lonely after his mother's death, so the parallel is noted there.  Abraham (compared to God the Father) send the Servant (Holy Ghost) to find Rebekah (the Bride of Christ) and asked her to come and she is willng to go right away (Now, this is where I believe you can marry right away when God asks you do so!) then there is Issac (The Word-the Son of the Living God).  Now what that tells you?  God brings the woman to the man.  In other cases it was bit different.  Jacob was wrong.  He WANTED a woman and CHOOSE for himself which is not of God.  Long to explain here but that is not how we men have to do that.  We cannot.  Then there is Samson.  Same mistake as well as Solmon and even David with Bathsheba.  She was a married woman for crying out loud.  See?  Not the man to choose.  God choose.  Now I want to bring to New Testament.  John 3:16 is most famous verse to talk about the whole point of God send His Only Begotten Son (Jesus Christ) to die on the Cross for us.  OK, now Jesus was born, raised, grew up.. and then by age 30, time to baptized to please the Father, etc.  Alright, Did Jesus choose?  Now this is bit different because Jesus is God (1 John 5:7 KJV) that He is the Word.  And the Word said in Matthew 9:37. To make this easier to explain, harvest is plenty but a few are chosen.  It is said a few times.  One I like is Ephesians 1:4.  So, there are many females will want the man but if you read Ephesians 1:4 carefully, those few chosen really are the one truly faithful and strong.  Now the man will choose the woman who came to the man with much faith in God.  So, it comes to full circle.  God brings the woman to the man and the man sees the woman and choose.  Let me use me as an example, many women will like me on here but I will see one who really worship the LORD and really talks about God, sharing scriptures with me.  She will be like Aaron did for Moses with support holding up the rod.  Then this brings to the unequally yoked verse: 2 Corinthians 6:4.  Yoked in KJV is taken from the word yoke that 2 oxen had to have a yoke on their neck to pull a plow for planting.  The Amish still do that and I have seen real one doing that in Lancaster, PA.  Ok, my future bride will help but I teach her too the scriptures as we are equally yoked with each other that will make marriage strong.  

    So, to answer question.  Yes, the woman should come up to the man and say Hi.  Like those many followers of Jesus Christ if you know all 4 Gospels in the Bible how they did and Jesus choose a few.  The sermon on the Hill?  That is a good example how many left and a few stayed.  The right woman will stay for the man and not leave.  

    Some of you say about being chased.  Yes, women like that and men likes to play hard to catch type of women.  Not a easy one type.  I do like the hard-to-catch type of female strong in faith in Jesus Christ and really read the scriptures daily and share with me.  Not the "Ohh I love you, dear" on first day.  Then if she really shows the Word and God says to marry, marry right away.  Another topic to talk about another day.  God bless!

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