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Dealing with Rejection

ForumFriendship and relationships

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  • VIDHYA712

    November 29, 2017

    Have you ever been rejected when you thought God is showing the right person to marry? Have you ever said no to someone though they think that it is God's plan for you both to marry but you did not think so? How did you deal with either case? Do you have any tips for other to deal with rejecting or getting rejected?

  • November 30, 2017

    When l was in college years ago & a very young Christian,the most popular ' pick-up' line was that guys would often tell girls that God revealed to them that they were meant to be together forever.Some girls were impressed by it,others not so much.I remember a friend of told one guy that God hadn't sent her the memo & so he needed to wait. Let's just say God never did send the memo to her,????.

    Let's face it,we are emotional beings & some of our desires often appear in our dreams.While God does speak to us,through dreams sometimes it's just us enjoying our sleep.One needs to understand, spiritual discernment to fully walk in this gift.

    But the simplest principles & rules of the Christian faith are of course laid out in the Bible.Further that,God has given human beings free-will such that anything that goes against that principle, is not God endorsed.

    For example,Joseph & Daniel were both dreamers who heard from God,but after each dream they often said they will pray to God for the interpretation.So it's not enough to dream about a guy & celebrate that he is yours.Infact you need to pray & ensure that it's really God speaking to you.

    If you are sure,that that's God speaking,why then turn down someone?

    The simplest test for a prophecy or supposedly word from God is Deuteronomy 18 : 22

    And if you say in your heart, ‘How may we know the word that the Lord has not spoken?’— when a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the word does not come to pass or come true, that is a word that the Lord has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously. You need not be afraid of him.

    1 John 4 : 1

    Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.

    Hebrews 6 : 18

    "so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie,....

    So l think since  God cannot lie then it was not God speaking.When it's God's will for a couple to be together,he will speak to both of  them separately but they will both know its God speaking.Provided they are committed Christians who know how to listen to God's voice.

    In most cases a one-sided attempt might be one person imposing their will on another.

    How do you get over rejection?

    Of course,it's painful to be rejected by anybody( parents,teachers,etc),not only a person you are interested in.As human beings the temptation is to internalize any rejection & think that we are not good enough or that there is something wrong with us.

    But the truth is ...

    It's always important to remember your value & worth in God.

    As women we struggle so much,in this area.

    You need to know who you are in Christ,as a son of God.

    "...And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ)--if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him (Romans 8:17)

    Your worth is not attached to who you are married to.

    "..So you are no longer a slave but a son, and if you are a son, then you are also an heir through God (Galatians 4:7).

    God's love is not performance based,so you can rely on him to love you even when you have been rejected."There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

    You are not responsible for another person's behavior, just your own.So don't carry unnecessary burdens.

    One practical thing to do is to meditate and read out bible verses/affirmations aloud to yourself.

    Lastly as a Christian you need to understand the character of God.God is light & in him there is no darkness.

    He doesn't lie, doesn't change or play tricks with your heart or confuse you.

    Ask yourself.."Why would he give you a snake,when you asked for a fish or stone?

    Matthew 7:9-11

    Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

    Learn to trust in God's wisdom, it's not always what you want but he is faithful.

    "Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;  he’s the one who will keep you on track.

    Don’t assume that you know it all."

    Proverbs 3 : 5 - 7 The Message

    Hope this helps.God bless.

  • ESTHER169

    December 29, 2017

    Beautifully expressed Tina...It was really very encouraging to read your article.!!! I really like the Word references you gave to support your answer on how to deal with rejection which is not only painful but very demoralizing for a woman if she does not know her true identity and value in Christ !!!:-)

    Here is how I learnt to deal with rejection...God shuts the door that  is NOT from Him..even if we think it is God's will to marry someone.We just need to go back and seek God's face and make sure we were really hearing His Voice and not just a projection of our own desires or imagination! God then gives Grace to handle the pain of rejection and time is the greatest healer of pain!

    In regards to rejecting a person who feels it is God's will, but you dont feel His Peace in your Spirit or a clear Word of confirmation telling you that he is Mr.Right for you.then its BEST to obey the Check in your heart and the lack of peace in your spirit and reject the person, no matter how good it may appear to your natural senses. Hope this helps Vidya !!! The Lord bless you sisters in Christ !!!:-)

  • January 3, 2018

    Tina gave a thorough lecture on the theme; I however wish to add that Christian maturity matter a lot in all we do as Christians. Understanding God and His word as the only Truth for our lives and ever focusing on the leading of the Holy Spirit should be the foundation, principle, and means to our decision taking in everyday walk with Jesus Christ. We should always pray and allow patience to do it's work in our lives than allow the flesh instincts lust lead us ahead of the Holy Spirit. I believe we Christians eventually outgrow mistakes in decisions taking if we totally rely on the the leading of the Holy Spirit everyday and always. May God help us on this through the grace of Jesus Christ!

    Rejection to a matured Christian should be a welcome thing anytime, any day since I personally understand the steps of the righteous is ever ordered by God, all things work for good to those who love God, and only the sovereign which is the will of God shall prevail at last in all that concern Christians.

    What God has destined for us shall surely come to us; whichever way God chose and we can refer to the story on how Isaac's wife was chosen in Genesis 24.

  • KOKIE774

    January 11, 2018

    Hi brothers and sisters.

    Such an interesting topic. Christian maturity counts a lot!

    Sometimes christians are lead by lust and feelings not by Holy Spirit. If one is Spiritually matured he/she will not compromise christian values by just getting into relationship with just anyone. Christians reject their brothers and sisters to marry non christians, because they are lead by feelings. Love is a decision not a feeling.

    True, one would feel pain of being rejected because he/she really was hoping to get into a relationship with you for valid reasons of which the other party might not see.

    Christians reject others for wrong reasons. As brothers and sisters you serve at church together but one would decide to reject the person that she/he see good values in each other

    Again as christians should never misuse the speech "God has shown you" in inder to catch the other person. Allow the other part to say how she spiritually feels about the proposal.

    I have witnessed of arranged marriages  that lasted longer because the two learned to love each other.

    Relationship is about the two imperfections perfecting each other.

  • January 29, 2018

    Like  your commence so far however  rejection in the christian realm only can happens to married individuals because they were claims or being claims by someons and now being rejected ,in the case of a divorce or broken marriage. On the contrast a single individual cannot be rejected because you were neither claimed nor has clames on any one . this is a regular misconception many dating individuals have by claiming individual before getting married. One thing we should bears in mind that at the courting table no is still a possibility. So let us reserve our emotions, our full trust, and our claim until things are full filled.      Now concerning (the butter bread system) arrange by God we have to bears this in mind that God always gives information in pair look at the situation with corneilius and peter . there you see God gives caresponding information that fits ,this is how God operates  and identifying  individuals from dreams or vision always come with notable sign/s . so we as christian should not caught in this situation of rejection and if they may be any such thing God will step in .the case of Joseph as he was to reject Mary the Angele of the lord corrected him ,therefore anything which is if God never fails .and always remembered this that what is not yours is just not yours. God bless

  • March 5

    AIJAH937 wrote:

    Like  your commence so far however  rejection in the christian realm only can happens to married individuals because they were claims or being claims by someons and now being rejected ,in the case of a divorce or broken marriage. On the contrast a single individual cannot be rejected because you were neither claimed nor has clames on any one . this is a regular misconception many dating individuals have by claiming individual before getting married. One thing we should bears in mind that at the courting table no is still a possibility. So let us reserve our emotions, our full trust, and our claim until things are full filled.      Now concerning (the butter bread system) arrange by God we have to bears this in mind that God always gives information in pair look at the situation with corneilius and peter . there you see God gives caresponding information that fits ,this is how God operates  and identifying  individuals from dreams or vision always come with notable sign/s . so we as christian should not caught in this situation of rejection and if they may be any such thing God will step in .the case of Joseph as he was to reject Mary the Angele of the lord corrected him ,therefore anything which is if God never fails .and always remembered this that what is not yours is just not yours. God bless

    l respectfully disagree with my brother AIJAH937. The assertion that rejection only occurs in a marital relationship or that one should not feel the pain of rejection in human interaction is not consistent with our human nature.

    A simple definition of rejection is " to refuse to grant a person recognition or acceptance,to discard that individual as being worthless."

    Webster defines rejection as to refuse to accept, consider, submit to, take for some purpose, or use to refuse to hear, receive, or admit.

    Limiting rejection only to the marital relationship is taking a simplistic stance of a very complicated human relational issue.

    Rejection is an emotional wound that we as human beings feel irrespective of whether we are Christians or not.In intimate relationships or otherwise.

    If you observe children playing together, & other children refuse to play with one of the kids.The rejected child will mostly,cry or try to win over the group or retaliate.

    Since these are children why do they cry & try so hard to fit in? This shows that wanting to be loved & accepted is the desire of the human heart, there is an inert desire in all of us to be loved,to be seen, & to be known.

    Other examples include, people that are adopted at birth.Most of them end up looking for their birth parents to make peace with the fact that they were 'given' away.This feeling of rejection,nomatter how good their adopted parents compels them to find their birth parents.They need to know why?

    Also the bible says that Jesus was "rejected" but this is not in reference to any marital relationship.

    Isiah 53:3 (NIV)

    He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

    Isiah 53:3 in most versions of the Bible use the word rejected in reference to the crucifixion of the Messiah.

    biblehub.com/isaiah/53-3.htm

    Other people who faced rejection in the bible include Jephthah (Judges 11:1,because his mother was a prostitute,his brothers didn't want him to inherit)

    Joseph,( Genesis 37:3 sold into slavery by his own brothers.His father (Jacob) might have unwittingly caused this rejection by favouring Joseph.But it hurt both ways)

    There are so many stories of rejection in the bible,and my point was simply that no matter where the rejection comes from "it always hurts". Hence the importance of knowing who you are in Christ and remembering that God neither leaves you nor forsake you.

  • January 16

    I think when someone rejects you, it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them and what they want

  • February 6

    > Have you ever been rejected when you thought God is showing the right person to marry? Have you ever said no to someone though they think that it is God's plan for you both to marry but you did not think so?

    No to both. I have Christian friends that say they were *both* shown who their partners were or would be (emphasis on both), but I've not gone through that experience myself.

    That seems like such a subjective experience that I don't think there's any way to evaluate it, much less objectively.

    How does anyone claim to know the difference between a thought that is the product of a personal desire as opposed to a thought that is the product of God talking to them? It's not like I know what the actual origin of my thoughts is, and they certainly don't come with labels identifying the source.

    If you thought God was "showing you" who your partner was, but the other person didn't think the same, then you can only conclude that you were wrong. But suppose the other person said the same thing: how could you possibly tell that the other person is or isn't right themselves? There're so many other variables that can influence a person that our subjective perception of a situation would probably not be enough for me; I think I'd need something stronger than just 2 personal opinions.

    > Do you have any tips for other to deal with rejecting or getting rejected?

    Tips for rejecting someone else, simply try to be as respectful and polite as it's possible for you or as the circumstances allow [1].

    On getting rejected by someone else, sure. It's simple:

    1. You respect their decision.
    2. You. Move. On.

    How we feel about it is secondary.

    [1] If a person refuses to take "no" for an answer, it might be time to escalate the response.

    > I think when someone rejects you, it has nothing to do with you.

    It depends. In some cases, it could have *everything* to do with you. We can't close our eyes and pretend this possibility is non-existent.

    > It has everything to do with them and what they want

    Generally speaking, the idea that if you get rejected, then it *must* be the other person's fault and/or that it is them that are the problem, doesn't hold up. Interestingly, you've agreed with my previous point here: if it has "everything to do with ... what they want", and they don't want you, then it should be obvious that it *is* about you, at least in part.

    I know it can hurt, sometimes badly, but people need to accept reality for what it is and not for what they'd like it to be.

    I know I won't be liked by everyone, regardless of what I do or don't do. I don't have to be liked, don't expect that I will be liked, and I don't really care that much either way. There's no way to please everyone.

    If not even Jesus was liked, much less accepted, by everyone, then why would anyone alive today think of themselves as being any different or somehow being deserving of more "special" treatment?

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