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Changing unsaved woman/man to be Christians

ForumFriendship and relationships

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  • November 9, 2017

    Many Christian men/women say that they can change or persuade their unsaved boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife to be saved or they will make them Christians? Do you agree or disagree? Why or Why not?

  • November 9, 2017

    This type of dating is actually refered to as 'missionary dating' .ie. when someone assumes that they are on a mission to evangelize the man/woman they are dating.

    Wrong Assumption 1.

    That you can change someone?

    It is wrong to assume that you have the power to change someone.Human beings were given free will by God for a reason.To this extent that even God first,waits for you to submit to him before you become a child of God.  Romans 10 v 10,

    Only God & the holy spirit can change all of us deeply,and in most cases if we allow him to do the work inside.

    Wrong Assumption 2

    That all Christian guys or gals are actually believe in the same God or same doctrine.This means that just because someone is born-again,things automatically line up.So don't assume that just because he comes to christ for you he is a changed person.

    There quite a lot of articles on missionary dating & its pitfalls. I have included links to my favourite ones.

    The most common thread is that,it is selfish & unchristian behaviour. It is a short sighted approach to dating,as it concentrates on the now rather than the future.Marriage is for life,so you would rather do it with someone you know is prepared to go the extra mile.The foundation that a relationship is built on matters.

    Again you might have seen or heard situations where it worked. Remember that everytime you compromise your faith for someone,you are weakening your own relationship with God.It also shows that you really don't trust God with your life or future. You are not as submitted to his counsel as you think you are. ... g-is-a-bad-idea ... cal-its-selfish ... sionary-dating/

  • PAT986

    November 10, 2017

    I absolutely agree if we talk about Jesus and the Hole Bible to  any type of people we will be growing the seads and the Hole Spirit will do the most important thing inside those people's hearts. As God said we have to try and carry on always and never give up of others.

  • GINGER188

    November 17, 2017 for the hills!! Only the Holy Spirit  can change a life.

  • November 18, 2017

    I can't help but mention that a very relevant answer to this question can be found at

  • GINGER188

    November 20, 2017



    December 6, 2017

    In my own opinion I believe its the holy spirit that changes people with prayers God can change their hearts to be saved.

  • EMMA851

    December 8, 2017

    Having been married to a Christianfpr 12 Year’s  who went away from God also not displaying any of the fruit of the spirit in his Character only displaying bad fruit - I divorced

    10 Year’s latter I had a realationship with a none Christian who seemed to a a good  man in character but didn’t av Jesus I believed prayed he would became a Christian but he wasnt prepared to take this step I ended this realationship which was heartbreaking

    I now beleive we have a choice God can save but only if that persons heart wants to be saved and wants to change

  • December 10, 2017

    I am of the view and believe that nothing should make me a believer to have any kind of intimate relationship regardless of my passion or love for one. Yes because such relationship can land one into a repeated case of Samson and Delilah or king Ahab and Jezebel. I believe to cut it short that I can relate with such persons from some distance than get too close, lest I get myself ensnared where the scriptures recommends flee. I speak from experiences and because God who knows man says "flee from youthful lusts" and I know this race is full of suprises. May God help us in this divine through our Lord Jesus Christ!

  • BENSY333

    December 22, 2017

    Trying to play the Savior is the wrong thing to do. The purpose to evangelize is so that those that are lost can come to the knowledge of the truth by Gods grace not for you to be the Savior for the purpose of romance. No one comes to the father unless the spirit draws him/her

    SHARON525 wrote:

    Many Christian men/women say that they can change or persuade their unsaved boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife to be saved or they will make them Christians? Do you agree or disagree? Why or Why not?

  • BENSY333

    December 22, 2017

    It is God that  does the saving

    December 22, 2017 updated by BENSY333

  • JHON682

    December 28, 2017

    Only God can change and totally transformed the Human. Even if we are always reminding them to go to church or to submit their lives in Jesus if they are not willing.. nothing. Just allow the holy spirit to work instead, keep praying in them.

  • KOKIE774

    January 11, 2018

    How did this relationship start?

    If one start a relationship with an unsaved partner  then it says something about her/him. There is a driver there called  feelings. It is about feelings( flesh) not decisions (lead by Holy Spirit). Christianity is a life style meaning one lives it whereever he/she is.

    Salvation is an individual choice to accept Christ and put Him first even before that partner or family.That brother or sister who lead you into salvation was lead by Holy Spirit.

    Relashioships are even difficult amongst christians themselves.

    Therefore a person can only be changed by God.

    If one got saved while he/she was in a relationship then it is a different story.

  • February 5, 2018

    Sisters and Brothers in CHRIST, I have the same view with all of you that only GOD saves through JESUS CHRIST. I had asked that question for encouragingly advice my Brother in CHRIST who is in that situation. He only met the unsaved woman in text message. They are planning to meet this February 14, 2018 they are both separated in their wife and husband both have a child in their partners but my brother in CHRIST is saved by JESUS CHRIST more than 10 years ago and he is now being an assist to his Pastor having the calling of being one. Then one day a woman texted and she sent it in a wrong number which is his number. That's the history the woman is an unbeliever and always intiate the conversation exchanging texts with him. My brother in CHRIST said his going to soul win that woman which I told him that its dangerous, risky and the intention is not purely GOD based. Cause his seeing it and will gonna do the soul winning in his might not through GOD's Help. He had already formed the forbidden feeelings for her before he is palnning to soul win her. That is deceiving and the method is not based on GOD's Word. I adviced him already but his to blinded by his dceitful heart. All I can do is to pray for him that GOD will not let temptation and sin have its way to him. Please include him in your prayers. Thank you and GOD bless...

    February 5, 2018 updated by SHARON525

  • February 8, 2018

    Thank you SHARON525  for sharing the background to your question.Always eager to participate & share the truth of God's word together with everyone if I can as Proverbs 27:17 states "Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens a friend's character".(ISV).We all learn through these seemingly random questions.

    Your Christian brother  is blessed to have a sister that is willing to give godly counsel and wisdom. You are right though, after you have given advice someone still has to make up their own mind.Unfortunately after you have provided & given advice the final decision of how to act belongs to the person. Life is about a series of choices every single day,only some choices have huge consequences and implications on our spiritual as well as physical life. Deuteronomy 30:15-20 "See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil.. therefore chose life..." (ESV)

    As human beings in this mortal body, people don't always make the right choices. Proverbs 14:12 & 16:25 says"There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death." So it's really easy to follow the wrong path, because it's easy & appeals to our senses.Just like Eve when she entertained thoughts of  the forbidden fruit suddenly it was enticing. "Genesis 3:6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, ....she took of its fruit and ate..."

    Your duty as a friend & sister is always to give the correct biblical advice & wait.At the same time, being willing to listen ,forgive and give a shoulder & support when they come back hurt and broken.Proverbs 6:27- 28 "Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned.Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched?".

    Be encouraged & continue to be a good friend.God bless.

  • MARCO825

    December 12

    Like someone said that so-called, "Missionary Dating" is a no-no.  I agree.  NEVER ever allow yourself to date with someone who is unequally yoked as said in 2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV:

    Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

    This clearly means you cannot date someone is ungodly.  If you read the scripture with your eyes wide and open, it is clear in the Bible more than just that verse.  Read Ephesians 6, many verses there clearly saying not to be participating with the darkness (unbelievers) and then it went on about relationship between man and woman the same as Christ has with us (believers--the Church) so therefore, if you know how salvation works when you got saved, when you did, you are going to Heaven.  others who are not saved are destinated to go to the fire forever.  The Marriage of the Lamb is like a wedding reception.  If you understand your relationship with Jesus Christ, therefore, you should understand how your relationship should be with human beings!  Therefore, clearly NEVER ever date someone who is not saved.  I talked about this in my ebooks.  Very clear to the point.  It does not work.  

    So, therefore, never attempt to date as you witness your date.  No way.  They will want to marry you but they will never change because you kept them as your special ones as they are, not as they will be.  Get it?  They actually saw your weakness and pull you down.  That is a sin.  You sinned against God for marrying someone you hope to marry to.  You will be sorry for rest of your life married to that one and God forbid divorce.  You cannot divorce because YOU want to. However, Paul said in Corinthians that if the unbeliever wants to depart, then you CAN allow them to divorce YOU.  NOT you divorce them.  Get it?  Read the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7 because it is about dating and relationship and marriage and divorce too.

    So, stay away from missionary dating concept.  If you met someone who is not saved, best answer is for you to do the following one or the other:  ALWAYS go on missions as a PARTNER as said in Ecces.  (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12) and you will be SAFE from temptation to date with the unsaved soul.  When that person is saved, KEEP STAYING AWAY FROM DATING!  You have to resist temptation because that person is a baby Christian and you are not equally yoked either!  Equally yoked I believe what the scripture says means you BOTH have to be same spiritual strength and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  Does that help you?   This means if you have been a strong Christian say for 10 years, and that other person you really like has been around that long too and easy to know is watch that person at your church for his or her spiritual growth and faith (its called fruits.. thats another whole thing to talk about.  measure by the fruits   (Matthew 7:16, 20  and Galatians 5:22-23.)

    If both persons who are not saved and got married, then one got saved during marriage and the other refuse to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior, you have two choices.  Again in Corthinans.. Best to stay married to the unsaved and SHOW your walk, NOT witnessing or bible thumping down your spouse's throat.  Never do that.  Jesus came to SHOW.  If you understood John 3:16, God SHOWED His love, not witnessing, but HIS LOVE so that the world believe in Him (accept Him), then they will be saved.  

    So, that unsaved spouse can see the saved spouse (remember this is after one of them got saved after the couple got married who were both not saved by the time of wedding) and get saved.   The other choice is to divorce.  ONLY done BY the UNsaved spouse can depart.  Let him/her go.  BUT it did say to allow that unsaved spouse COME BACK WHEN SAVED.  

    God created us, right?  We were once with God even knew you from before the beginnning but you are here because of separated from God because of sin nature we have.  Once saved, we are "engaged" to Christ and when we are called home, and the wedding (Marriage Supper of the Lamb), then we are rejoined for good.  That is exactly what the scripture was saying for the couple in Corinthians.  Remember how your relationship with God, then you should know how to have relationship with someone.

    As you recalled the other choice other than just you have a witnessing team of yours.. Think like what Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses are doing (they always in pairs!) We need to get back to that root.  That is what Jesus did with the Disciplies.  

    The other choice if you cannot handle a team, get someone in church to go with you.  OR ask the opposite gender (remember TWO of them) in your church to meet with that person to witness and then when that person you like is saved, still stay away until she is strong in the Lord.  Or he is strong in the Lord.  THEN fellowship.  But remember, you both are not equally yoked even that person is baby Christian.  Best deal is to find someone in your church who is equally as you are and go from there but if you meet someone online like this site, a bit tough to see the fruits.  You will need to pray if that person is right but also VISIT often but BRING a FRIEND with you for SAFETY from temptation!  If you cannot hold, then read Genesis chapter 24.  GET MARRIED right away when you both plan to meet!

    Sorry I could write a book on this and I think I should!  Hee hee.

    Hope it helps and God bless!

  • December 22

    I understand the pressure of wanting someone so seemingly good but without Christ no one on earth can change anyone but the Holy Spirit that is his job, so to say you would date or marry someone and Hope that in the course of the relationship change him that is just a big mistake, in trying to take that risk you might lose your own faith, however you can pray for them, or if you like them too much intercede for them and ask the Holy Spirit to cause a conversion so that both of you can be together, even when the person claims they want to change the Bible encourages to test every spirit

    SHARON525 wrote:

    Many Christian men/women say that they can change or persuade their unsaved boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife to be saved or they will make them Christians? Do you agree or disagree? Why or Why not?

  • TONY597

    January 11

    The Belief and intent of getting involved into a relationship with a non- believer is a sin against God.     How?  God warns us clearly to not become yolked with unbelievers.  Why?    God is a Loving but jealous God. He created each of us, to serve a purpose, in HIS kingdom.   When yolked with an unbeliever, it effects your mental, spiritual, emotional well- being.   You cannot serve God in The way He created you to, when all your energy and focus is on the unbeliever you are yolked to.   Jesus died for all of our sins.  To act in the place of Jesus, is the most disrespectful unappreciative act someone can do.      God didnt create us to be martyrs to waste the Life He gave us , That Christ died for...for someone you are intimately involved witj but unequally yolked.      God hates divorce but he hates people making idols before Him and taking them out of serving His Kingdom, more.   YOU do not have the power nor authority to save or change anyone.   Serving in the ministery, and witnessing to people is not the same as becoming intimately intertwined with an unbeliever.   You will suffer and you are voluntarily making an idol to worship in the place of God.  

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