Divorce & re-marriage
January 15, 2016
I know this is a touchy-very touchy subject amongst Christians today. For me I hold a conservative/fundamentalist (long and short of it, if you want me I can explain it for you) view on it. So tell me about your views. Its a discussion and it would be nice that you use scriptures verses (if possible from both old testament and new testament) to show where you stand in it.
Its a very real situation and this is one of the few topics that does affect all of us (no matter if your from Catholic West, Orthodox East or the rest which falls under Protestant)
January 16, 2016
According to the Bible, marriage is a lifetime commitment. “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” ( Matthew 19:6)
God realizes, though, that, since marriages involve two sinful human beings, divorces are going to occur.
In the Old Testament, He laid down some laws in order to protect the rights of divorces especially women (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) Jesus pointed out that these laws were given because of the hardness of people’s hearts, not because such laws were God’s desire
The controversy over whether divorce and remarriage is allowed according to the Bible revolves primarily around Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 The phrase “except for marital unfaithfulness” is the only thing in Scripture that possibly gives God’s permission for divorce and remarriage. Many interpreters understand this “exception clause” as referring to “marital unfaithfulness” during the “betrothal” period. In Jewish custom, a man and a woman were considered married even while they were still engaged or “betrothed.” According to this view, immorality during this “betrothal” period would then be the only valid reason for a divorce.
Some understand 1 Corinthians 7:15 as another “exception,” allowing remarriage if an unbelieving spouse divorces a believer. However, the context does not mention remarriage but only says a believer is not bound to continue a marriage if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave. Others claim that abuse (spousal or child) is a valid reason for divorce even though it is not listed as such in the Bible. While this may very well be the case, it is never wise to presume upon the Word of God.
However, Many people look to quickly remarry after a divorce when God might desire them to remain single.God sometimes calls people to be single so that their attention is not divided (1 Corinthians 7 : 32-35)
Remarriage after a divorce may be an option in some circumstances, but that does not mean it is the only option.
If the couple haven't intimacy with The Holy Spirit it reflects on their lives as a couple.
About the way the husband should treat his wife:
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her".
( Ephesians 5:25)
"For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."( Malachi 2:13-16)
I can say that the essence of all divorce is the incapacity to love the other.
All this contributes to the immature initial feeling that there would be a full agreement to be watered down and we come to believe that we are no longer supported that must seek a more compatible person, not we drag through life a relationship that will make us unhappy. Then divorce comes.
That is not the case a metaphor for our relationship with God? He trying to teach us to be more and more in his image and likeness and we obstinately following with our "truths"? However, God never gives up on us, no changes when we give Him not heard. Ultimately, marriage is the real learning of love and when we refuse to this learning, we get away from God who is love. That's what He hates!
We do not want the other to transform our image and likeness, but we find in each other the image of God, which is multifaceted and therefore makes humanity so rich in its diversity. This path is narrow and few are those who walk by it.
However, God recognizes that divorce will occur, even among His children. A divorced and remarried believer should not feel any less loved by God, even if the divorce and remarriage is not covered under the possible exception clause of Matthew 19:9.
I'm sure each one have a reason to get divorced but only God is able to forgive and set us free, especially if the other part wasn't faithful!
January 18, 2016
Indeed. Thanks for sharing your quite balanced view on the matter. I hold onto the view of Matthew 19:8 "He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so." - KJV.
This also holds even stronger wieght with elders (pastors, bishops) of the Church 1 Timothy 3:2 - " A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;" - KJV. So divorce and re-marriage is not for elders at all (my view). Why? If we have leaders of the church doing these things what will those who sit in the pews do? What will the heathen and the un-saved say about those who know God?
Food for thought however some of the things you maybe thinking about is already happening as prophicied in the Book of Jude.
January 18, 2016
Quite interesting discussion here.
WHy did Jesus end the subject by saying, "The one who can accept this should accept it"? Could it be that although God's wish is that a man and a woman remain married for life, He does not intend it to be like a those who do have commited a sin? I believe God searches the heart, even the deep things therein, and knows when someone is divorcing for selfish reasons. And what about those who had divorced before Jesus mentioned this? Do you think they will be given eternal punishment?
And when does Jesus said, "what God has joined together, let no one separate", it seems to raise further questions, for example: when and how do we know that it is indeed God that has joined two people? Is it enough that the two agreed, and then it is automatically God joining them?
Secondly, you will notice that the focus was on a "man divorcing his wife", but nothing was said about a "woman divorcing his husband". I think some people could use this as an arguement for exempting women from this "rule". Does this not point to some kind of cultural issue at that time where, perhaps, men were just using divorce as a tool for changing women like clothes?
I don't know what the real answers are though. Just thinking aloud and hopfully the discussion will continue.
January 19, 2016
For your first two questions Romans chapter 2:1-15 sums it up like this: God knows the hearts and minds of all humans and God has even placed things such as consicense and nature at least to point to Christ/ whether or not it is something Godly. Nature and conscience dont lead (preaching does) but it shows us that good and bad and divorce unless for exceptional few reasons is wrong.
Why?" in the beginning it was not so" and "Moses created it because of the hardeness of your hearts". Marriage is something God views seriously unlike how we view it now.
For your second set of questions women are humans just like men. If that is the case then alot of biblical teachings (doctrine) and views would mean that women could do anything and get away with it. Romans 2:11 makes it clear that - For there is no respect of persons with God. Sin is sin, evil is evil, good is good, blessing is blessing despite who it is (sex, race, colour or nationality).
If anyone would like I could get bit more indepth if you like
January 21, 2016
God hate divorce, but He loves divorcees. They should remarry.
January 22, 2016
God hate divorce, but He loves divorcees. They should remarry.
Is it possible that you can elaborate more on this please?
March 25, 2016
I stand on the same opinion as Aila's. I became a Christian after our marriage. I've tried my best to try to make the marriage work but it's spiritually dragging me down (or maybe I'm not yet that spiritually matured yet to handle it). Hence, I decided to be separated from Him, bringing along my two kids.
I'm entirely blessed because I am able to regard my Lord as my husband as mentioned in Isaiah 54. My husband isn't giving me child support, but you can see clearly God's hands providing your needs. Glory be to God! Any woman who is separated can live independently and doesn't need any man to supply her need of love since God is the source of pure, unconditional love. It's only three different path for me. Either be reconciled to my husband, stay separated, or I'll only be able to remarry once I become a widow as per the bible instructs.
I do sometimes feel the temptation to look for a man, but God gives me the grace and I always meditate, He is enough for me, He is all I need, and the fleshly whispers are gone. I am also afraid of having a partner. No matter what the excuses I say (I'm only human, I can't be alone), I'm still technically going to be an adulteress. If I sin, my children can also be part of any punishment because of my sins. So, in fear of my children's welfare, I'd rather not look for a partner.
In case you're wondering, I'm here at cmatch to strike friendships, encourage others and be edified as well. God bless!
May 20, 2016
Here is an interesting topic, For many people like me who are also separated and divorced, and are Christian to ask, "Should I get married again?" I think many Christian people interpret some verses in the Bible about the divorce your way to find a way to not think will commit adultery, but being that reality and hard, God and wonderful love and fair, some pastors and friends tell me that I am free to remarry because my ex husband left me, but in the Bible are found a way so that there may be a new marriage, and the former spouse dies and the person is a widow or widower, only in this way can remarry no matter the reason for the separation, abandonment, adultery, violence, hardness of heart, same so nothing we do free to remarry, you will not be just another slave of the person and will no longer suffer with her, you just poderar live free from other people, but is not free to marry, so for me it is sad to want to understand and accept this, but this is the word of God is pure and genuine, Yes! I am here knowing all these things, because I'm a dreamer, I want to be happy I want to have someone who really love me true and want to spend the rest of his life at my side, I have a home a spouse kids build a family , loneliness is a terrible thing, however you may have family distractions, friends, work, hold your head, you will still feel that something is missing, so I would advise anyone who wants to get married think much about it, this is a decision to life, selfishness in marriage the destruction of lives and a bad choice can make you cry and regret for life, I speak from experience.
May 20, 2016
I would like to remarry.God has a plan.I just don't know what!
February 12, 2017
Very interesting discussion.....I am reading this in 2017......I would like to share my past experience...
I was born and raised as a muslim till I was 33 yrs old.....though I rarely practised Islam or like the Sharia laws....
At the age of 26 I married a muslim guy after dating him for a year.....It was a long distance relationship.He was also 26 yrs old.
I married him according to the muslim Customs after taking consent from my parents in presence of only 5 people who were from his side.( my parents were not living in the same town so they were not present for 'Nikah'.His parents were also not present....only his cousin brothers,muslim priest and his friends were present.
After one week of ' Nikah' (wedding) He tells me about his first marriage and his child.I was shattered....His parents came running and convinced me that his wife has divorced him and now I am their daughter in law....I had no choice but to accept the circumstances....
A few mns later he divorces me because his first wife wins a case against him and comes back in his life...( I think it was out of court settlement with his wife).Before all this happens he seperates from me and agrees for a divorce.(till date his first wife does not know about his marriage with me).
This was a fraud.......I moved on with life.....at the age of 33 I recieved Jesus as my Lord and saviour....
I had many questions to God about this incidence.Because I believe GOD made Adam and gave him only one wife.
I was always against the muslim laws which allows 4 marriages.
My first marriage was a lie....and my ex was already a married man... So i Consider my first marriage as Null and void.
I respect the institution of marriage very much.
I am against divorce....but there are individual cases like mine....I had no choice but to walk out of that marriage.
Yes I am considering a second marriage If GOD wills and have my own family.
February 15, 2017
So sorry Docsalma the Lord Almighty will see you...God loves you and will make it happen.That was not real marriage just misuse.So take heart my dear...
February 27, 2017
What about divorced men? Shouldn't they remarry? George.
March 6, 2017
Thankyou Joyceline077 for your kind words.
Even I consider that marriage as null and void.....not a real marriage.....but I always mention my status as a divorcee and do not want to hide this from my future husband.
March 17, 2017
Nice forum. Their should be more christian sites like this one. Yes my understanding of it is that remarriage is ok only under the grounds of fornication. Being unfaithfulness. I do feel that marriage is for life, and somebody should only split up under these grounds. This is my personal interpretation only though of course
March 19, 2017
There are many sides to this. We can come with the letter of the law or the spirit. I will give some statements and illustrations.
In the USA a married couple can be divorced withou the consent of the other. If someone wants out, you can't stop them. So if a believer chooses to leave another believer, and maybe even maries someone else, then the remaining spouse is barred from leadership, remarriage, etc. Sorry, my God forgives all sin. God never elevated remarriage to the level of blashemy.
The scriptures forbid marriage, divorce, one of the partners marying someone else. Then divorcng them and returning to their first spouse. Law says no. God looks at the intenet of the heart. He forbids such action to prevent wife swapping as was some of the pagan customs.
I have a friend who was married 10 years to his High School sweetheart. They get divorced. SHe marries another for 3 weeks. She divorces him. 2 years later she remaries her first husband and they have been together now over 25 years. I am unwilling to cast a stone saying they were living in sin all these years.
The legalist can hammer me with scripture, but other than being a noisy gong or clanging cymbal, they miss the heart of father.
April 13, 2017
I would like to add some current statistics. Currently in the USA, 52% of marriages end in divorce. Of those filing for divorce, 74% are women. Adultry accounts for around 26% on either partner. When questioned, survey found 74% of divorces were cited as money problems or communication.
I hear people say they believe marriage is for life, yet the numbers and my own life experience do not back it up. God forgives, people get redo's and fresh starts, God is gracious towards all who come to him and repent. Interestingly, I seldom hear of a former spouse asking their former marriage partner for forgiveness for leaving the marriage or its detriment. Usulally when a spouse leaves, they are done with further communication unless children are involved or monitary issues.
I think it is interesting that the scriptures teach that if you know your brother has offense toward you, you are to leave your gift at the alter, make it right, then return. This seems to be a scripture that is frequently ignored. Mathew 5:23-24
April 20, 2017
Luke 16;18 Any one who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery; and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultry. God says he hates divorced.
April 20, 2017
so l think is better to involved God in chosen life partner any man or any woman could not be for you . is God that knows the hart of people he know whom your match is God is the giver of good things ask him to chose for you,
April 28, 2017
For me there r certain grounds for one to divorce and remarry. If d marriage is built on lies, adultery, lack of trust, hatred etc. Marriage is a good thing to enjoy not to endure
August 8, 2017
I believe that marriage only once in a lifetime (once in a lifetime marriage), so I need someone who won't run nor withdraw when times get hard and tough, and takes any efforts to save the marriage.
It's very clear in Bible :
“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Luke 16:18, NIV)
15 "Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth."
16 "The man who hates and divorces his wife," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "does violence to the one he should protect," says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful." (Malachi 2:15-16, NIV)
"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:9 , NIV)
Commitment is very very very important!
When we're in love, it’s easy to stick with that.
But, how when we are in tough and hard times?
Marriage is about the commitment, is not about the feeling.
Feeling can betray you, feeling can up and down.
But, the commitment even when in good or bad times, when healthy or sick, whether poor or rich, the relationship must keep running, keep going on.
The point is if you do not work it, it will not work.
The key of happy marriage is Do Not ever stop dating with your spouse.
What do you do when you both in courting relationship, do not stop when you do things that both are married, keep doing it until the end.
So, Never stop dating with your spouse.
Because there's no automatically in relationship, eventhough we desperately falling in love with our spouse before.
But it will not work, if you do not work it.
Jarid Wilson says, "Dating should not end when you're married. You should date your spouse daily."
People says, "Just because you're married doesn't mean you should stop dating each other."
Wow, I absolutely agree with that!
I learn that who is serious to God, he/she will serious to us.
If he/she who is not serious with God, he/she will not serious with us.
People who are serious with God, will be serious with many things, such as work, life, family, and will certainly seriously to us, and stay faithful forever.
What criteria are we looking for from our life partner? Definitely we are looking who serious and faithful loyal to us.
Although there are any opportunities to cheat, he would not use the opportunity, because he is honoring the Lord that he knows always be there with him.
And will benefit for us as well, even though we are not with him/her or beside him/her sometimes because of we work or busy, he/she will remain faithful to us.
I am very impressed with Joseph.
" How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?”
10 So it was, as she spoke to Joseph day by day, that he did not heed her, to lie with her or to be with her."
1 John 4:20 (NLT). "If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer,[a] that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?"
Whoever loves God he has not seen, it is impossible not to love the person he saw.
This means that if we are looking who are serious with his relationship with God, he must be serious with his relationship with us.
Because he loves God who is invisible and we are visible.
Because it is much easier to love that we can see rather than we can not see
Not just a churchgoer.
Not just close to the Lord, when he is close to us.
But he is already close to God first, before he close with us.
And he will stay remain close to God, even when he mad at us, because for him, The Lord is number one in his life.
I am not impressed by money, fame, popularity, title.
I am impressed by : kindness, faithfullness, integrity, fidelity.
2 Corinthians 4:18
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
August 25, 2017
Biblically a marriage is when the man and woman lie together, is that what you are referring to? I was married as a Catholic to a Catholic and he divorced to remarry another and the Catholic Church annulled my marriage as request of my ex husband.
I think we need to pray and ask God's will to see if we can remarry. And wait patiently and stay pure. For me I'm preparing myself by reading the Bible to become a good Christian wife.
August 25, 2017
I didn't really know that we have a beautiful forum to discuss interesting topics like these... I did enjoy everyone's view on divorce and remarriage..
September 8, 2017
What are considered the few circumstances or exceptions for remarriage? Infidelity? Abuse? Lack of trust?
I'm Reading it in 2018 and Just loved!